It's the Small Things in Life

I apologize for being gone for so long. I have my reasons (potential excuses, yes). I was ill feeling a little under the weather bleeding to death

Ah, hell, I was on the rag and it was the worst cramping I've had in months. With my uterus about to fall out, I just didn't feel like dragging myself upright to type out "please, dear God, if you won't kill me with this, just let the pills I'm taking put me under long enough to sleep through the next few days."

To which God replied, "BWAHAHAHAHA!"

And then I was on that trip to Longview, Puget Island and Seaside, Oregon, and with no internet access, I had to make do with typing out what I would've posted had I been able to.

Too much information? Again, I apologize. Please accept these tokens

to be redeemed at any Nessa-Is-A-Weirdo Gift Shop.

Right now, I should be editing my entries about my trip to what could be termed as as-close-to-the-Pacific-coast-as-I'm-going-to-get-until-a-trip-to-California. Right now, I should be posting them so that the whole world can see how fun it was to get to the other side of the state--a place I haven't been very often and I hope to visit again.

Instead, I find myself being very selfish and focusing solely on only a few things.

Like the fact that I'm currently TWO JEAN SIZES too small for my clothes. :D

Yeah, I'm just a tad ecstatic about that.

I found this out on a small shopping trip in Longview. My grandmother and .... I have no idea what this woman's relation is to me, only that she's the mother-in-law of my aunts, so we'll just call her "A" .... decided to go into Bed, Bath & Beyond for something or other. Not currently owning a bed, bath or any sort of beyond to call my own (and isn't in storage anyway), I delayed going in there after spotting a Lane Bryant clothing store.

I was mostly just passing the time and enjoying the fact that I'd managed to find some time away from people--the store didn't have any customers--when I saw some clothes that seemed to look okay on the hangar. I automatically picked up my usual sizes and went into the dressing room to try 'em out.

I tried on the jeans first. After buttoning on my normal size, they slid right down past my hips and kissed my ankles. A bit dumbfounded, I tried a couple times to make sure I hadn't somehow picked up a pair of jeans that buttoned a weird way (the styles kids where these days, oi). But no, they were just jeans.

With a big grin on my face after realizing that I'd obviously lost enough weight that I didn't need them, I went back out to get the next size down. While they didn't sail past my hips, this size was down to my knees after being buttoned before I could stop them.

I almost never dance in public. But I was close to going out into that store with those jeans around my ankles to not only show them off proudly but also do some serious salsa, bellydancing, a jig, whatever.

You know what really topped off the whole experience? The fact that even the smallest size in the store for shirts and tops didn't fit. Even the smallest shirt I found was just a tad too big.

Yeah, talk about icing on the cake. The cake that I'm not allowed to eat and which I'm now currently craving.

I'm also still going to the gym regularly. Though I have my, ahem, occasions of falling off the eating-healthy-wagon, I still manage to eat in moderation and to go for the vegetables first. 

There's also the whole thing about me writing just for me. While it's still come and go sometimes--and let me tell you, the voices in my head are downright violent and like to argue amongst themselves--at least I can do it.

It may come as a shock to you, but I'm still figuring it out, that whole living-for-yourself thing. For some people, it's so natural it's like breathing. But I can't tell you why I am the way that I am. I can only tell you what I'm going to change and what I'm going to keep.

What I'm going to keep for sure is the feeling that I'm finally heading in the right direction. That feeling that even though you have no idea what life is holding for you next, you're still not only going to come out of it whole but also out on top.

That feeling that I'm finally creating something worth living for.

After the crash and burn of my failed marriage, the terrible conundrum of absolutely loathing with every part of my soul the place I landed after the crash, happiness is a great feeling to have.

Oh, and just because it made me happy: when I came home from everything, Roxy, my adorable cat, was so happy to see me that she insisted on being picked up and not leaving me alone every time I came into my room at Grandma's house. She is currently lying on her back with her paws up in the air, asleep. If I could move to get my camera and take a picture to post, I would, but she'd just wake up and ask me where I thought I was going now that I'm home.