Day 11 of My "Captivity"

It's Day 11 of my weight loss and writing experiment. So far, I've lost 8 pounds in 1 week. I'm so grateful for the progress, however little it may be.

The exercise program I'm trying to develop has more to do with just attending various classes at the gym than actually focusing on weight training. I figure that's up to the personal trainer I've ended up getting to help me. If I show up and do the work--or try to--at least a few times a week (I try to go every day), that seems to do a lot of it. Most of the classes are the new ones out there, the Bodypump, Bodyflow, Bodystep, etc. I haven't tried the Bodystep one yet; according to the description, it's "the ultimate way to give your body a high energy cardioblast and tone the hips and thighs."

Obviously, since most of my weight is in my hips (in high school, certain family members--read: sister--named me "Wide Load" and friends caught onto it), I need to give this particular class some serious attention.

But really, it's the yoga classes I want to attend the most. Yoga has had a presence in my life since I was in high school, but it wasn't until March of this year that I started to really focus on it.

Yeah, you can make the argument that, in America, yoga is only about the exercise. You'd be right. But here in Nessa world, it's not just about the exercise aspect of it. Though it took some time to focus on it, I find that it's a good way to connect with myself, meditate and even find that apparently overwhelming force that many call "God".

When I say God, I absolutely do not mean a Christian one. Or rather, the Christian one can be incorporated into this ... presence ... that I sense when I meditate and practice my version of yoga. I have a lot to learn, but at least I'm focused on learning what I can.

Unfortunately, my writing isn't going as well. I've done a lot of journaling, posted some blog posts (though the older ones are not currently showing and I can't figure out why) and I've started some travel pieces. I try to write every day, but it's difficult when the biggest part of me focuses on just reading and relaxing. I know--excuses, excuses, excuses.

Friends and family tell me not to rush it; I've been so burned out for the last few years that it will take time to set up the routine I want. But I'm impatient--always have been--and I feel ridiculously guilty and stupid for not following my own thoughts. Again: excuses, excuses, excuses.

Am thinking about starting not only this blog but another one dedicated exclusively to food and travel. I thought maybe I could incorporate all of the elements into my blog here--and I may still do so, but I figure if people really care all that much about my personal adventures, they'll stick with this one. If not, they'll go for the other, more focused blog.

This week I have a couple of friends coming up to my new home to visit with me. Luckily, they're both ok with the idea of going to the gym with me and helping me with my weight loss goals.

I'm pretty much on my own with the writing one. It's the way it's supposed to be, but at the same time, I miss the presence of having someone who knows what it's like. Writing is very much a solitary affair, a capricious love/hate situation that you can't help but stick with anyway, despite the frustration and heartbreak.

It will happen. It may have taken me a long time to figure out the whole faith thing--especially in myself--but I'm starting to understand the system now.